nutella sex= disaster
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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