you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
