I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
