if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
