You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
