The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
