I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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