She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
