he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
