Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
