Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
