he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
