Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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