I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
