My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
