We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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