I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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