Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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