Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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