She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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