M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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