I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
