the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize