He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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