he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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