Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
