And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
