He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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