bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
