Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
