Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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