I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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