im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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