On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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