at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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