I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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