somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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