He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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