nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
