Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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