Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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