I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
