Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize