I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
