I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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