She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
