dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
