No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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