You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
