my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize