This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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