She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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