i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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