Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
