his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
