He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
