and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
