He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
