Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
