I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
