I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
