All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
