Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
