Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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