Someone shit on the floor
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize