Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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