I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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