i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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